In the Land of the Other: How Accepting Each Others Differences can be the Pathway to Real Love

[Cindy Ricardo]

I've been wanting to write a post on the topic of accepting each others differences as a healing path to real love. With this goal in mind, I'm going to share two great video clips and a personal poem that illustrate how powerful, healing and connecting relationships can be, when we truly accept our partners differences and stop fighting against them.

The first clip is of Dr. Harville Hendrix, Co-Founder of Imago Relationship Therapy and author of the book "Getting The Love You Want", discussing "Otherness" and how if we see our partner as they truly are, without the judgment, negativity and conditions it can lead to connection and to Real Love.


This next clip is from one my favorite romance comedy movies, "When Harry Met Sally". It's the ending of the movie when Harry finally realizes that he truly loves Sally, not because of what she can give him, but because of the person she is; or as I like to say her "otherness". This what Real Love means to me!


Now, I admit that I am a hopeless romantic and that's one of the reasons I wanted to share this! I always want to spread the love! But the other reason I wanted to share this is to give couples a glimpse into one of the topics we will be addressing in our upcoming couples workshop The Art of Intimacy.

Finally, I want to share a very special poem that I wrote when I finally got what otherness meant! So, I am publicly making a declaration of love to my husband!

In the Land of the Other

The land of the other is a wondrous place
filled with differences, possibilities and surprises

The colors, sights and sounds are different in your world
they are at times more vibrant, aromas more pungent
sounds in your world call me to dance to a different rhythm
the rhythm of your heart, passion and soul
the waters in your world are more turbulent and exciting
inviting me to explore new directions
calling me to grow

Your land has freedom in places where my land holds restraint
tall beautiful mountains, where my land has hidden peaks and fragrant valleys
if I allow myself to be influenced by you, your turbulent waters
can run through my peaceful valley
as a result of letting me letting you in
you are influenced by me

In your land I am called to wholeness
to awaken parts of me that have been in a deep sleep
to stretch into new adventures, leanings and behaviors

I gain an opportunity to view the world with curiosity, wonder and awe

When I accept your differences without judging, changing or criticizing
when I can see your uniqueness, the different way you see the world
I am given a most precious gift
the gift of valuing and appreciating you
and the opportunity of accepting all of me

Most of all I get the greatest gift
to love and be loved
to grow and be healed
to walk by your side
and most of all
I get to grow old with you!


Copyright and property of: Cindy Ricardo 2007
This poem cannot be reproduced without the express written permission of the author.</</i>b>

Until next time! I wish you peace…

Cindy Ricardo, LMHC is an Imago Relationship Therapist with a private practice in Coral Springs, Florida. She teaches couples and individuals about how to create a balanced, joyful and peaceful life. She also runs workshops for couples about how to create loving and supportive relationships and Women’s Empowerment Workshops addressing topics related to assertiveness, boundaries and self-care. For more information please contact her at 954.793.6442. or visit http://www.acaringcounselor.net to learn more about her services.